If you missed this weeks episode of The Bachelor, don’t worry, you only missed Corinne’s boobs out for all to see (but it’s fine because Daddy’s proud remember?).
End of Last Week’s Episode
So as we all know, Liz went home last week. “We’re adults that had one night of fun”. Liz, you’re yesterdays news. He wants a new piece of booty to flash on national TV. He tells the ladies, he’s an open book so they can ask him anything they want. What I need to know is who picked that tie out because it’s horrendous.
Whipped & Ready
Cue Corinne. In a trenchcoat. Yes, a trenchcoat. This chick straight up has no shame, whipping out the can of Ready Whip (with the taped up logo because nobody knows what a can of Ready Whip looks like).
This scene made me cringe. Leave that in the fantasy suite please…if you ever make it there. Jasmine awkwardly interupts acting like she casually stumbled upon this jokeworthy scene. In reality all of the women had their noses pressed to the window…only thing missing was popcorn ladies. After she was done shoving her boobs down Nick’s throat, she was so exhausted that she needed to go lay down..I’d be exhausted too girl. I mean good for her, if a girl wants to take a nap, let the girl take a nap. Nobody wants her at the party anyway.
When the princess rises from her slumber, she informs the girls that she has a nanny. And not like the Fran Drescher type.. the Dorota type (and that is in no way a jab at queen Blair Waldorf). She explains that being in the house has opened her eyes to doing “big girl things” that the nanny would normally do for her (i.e cut her cucumber). Why she keeps coming back to the cucumber thing like thats the only thing the nanny does for her, I don’t get but I also don’t get that cutting cucumbers is a bigger task than “owning this million dollar company”.
Quote of the night: “Washing my clothes makes Raquel happy, and I’m not going to stop a woman’s happiness”
YOU CAN’T MAKE THAT STUFF UP PEOPLE
Backstreets Back, Alright!
It’s no surprise that EVERY girl on this group date was all goo-goo ga-ga over the Backstreet Boys being on there. They’re all 23-26 and a part of my 90’s generation self was a little jealous too. At least this time around, unlike other seasons, the girls actually didn’t have to pretend to like whatever “so last year” performer they throw on these dates.
I just don’t understand the outfits these chicks think is normal to wear on dates. Same goes for the next date meeting the Olympic athletes. They know there is some type of physical activity involved. You’re more than capable of looking cute in leggings and an appropriately fitting tank top. LESS IS MORE LADIES. But hey who am I kidding, look at who the Bachelor is this year.
Can we all take a look at Alexis’ outfit. Take notes from her Astrid. “If I had known we were doing something athletic I would have worn a different bra”. No you wouldn’t have.
Can we also pause and be embarrassed for Rachel who broke the ring thinking she had that sprint in the bag. And Alexis, bless your soul, you just hopped right over it.
Zero Gravity Puke Fest
Okay, but in all seriousness, this date looked SO FUN. Side note: It’s only a $5,000 date. Talk about being a cheap date. They genuinely looked like they had fun. Nick even had fun post-puke sesh with a makeout sesh. To each his own.
Dinner after the date was really sweet though too. He’s so genuine on the one-on-ones and then he gets to the group dates and acts like a playboy. Girls, if you’re on the group date, take the cue and leave. I’m looking at you Astrid, Josephine, & Dominique (aka cry baby).
Nick sends Dominique home and I guess to save her heart when watching this at home tells the girls how tough it was. You’ve known the girl 2 seconds and I guarentee you had to ask the producer what her name was. Calm down cowboy.
All in all, I’m tired of not having the rose ceremonies, Corinne needs to take a hike to the local strip club & fill out an application, and if Vanessa doesn’t win, this crap is rigged.
If you missed my last 2 recaps, check them out here: